Building life and building memories

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Monday is my son’s birthday. He turns 5 years old! So it was a very hard weekend for me. I had to organize everything although I didn’t have neither forces nor resources to do anything. But I did it. When it comes to my son, there is no “I can’t do that”. So now I am proud to say that everything is organized. He will have his gifts, cake, and celebration at the daycare just like he wanted.

Then I had time to think about my own life and feelings.

Don’t think I am a strong girl. I am not. And I need someone to cheer me up, to say I am brave, to ensure me everything will be ok. But I realize I don’t have that someone. Not yet probably. So what? Should I stay in my bed crying? Should I beg someone who is indifferent to be there for me?

To me, the answer is no. I shouldn’t do that. But if I have no way to change how I feel, I still have a choice. Or I can stay in bed and cry over someone who doesn’t care, or I can go running in the morning and see the sea and probably dolphins. Or lift extra 5 kg at the gym. Or write 500 extra words. It’s always my choice. But the difference is staying in bed won’t help me in getting happier or healthier. Running, working out, writing and working will.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I will meet my Mr. Right? I should be ready for that. Having an unhappy face or staying at home won’t help me with that. So I should give myself a chance to be happy.

Besides I want to have a long healthy active life. For the last months, I’ve been striving to lose weight. Now there’s only 7 kg to lose left and I am so happy!

One may say it doesn’t matter how much you weight. Oh, it does so matter! I want to enjoy my life. Not just cakes but life. It means I want to ride horses and do horseback jumping again. I want to dance salsa. I want to be able to walk for hours with my son – I adore walking! I want to have sex in all possible ways – just like I do it now. I want my body to always be flexible and strong and sexy, and my skin and my ass to be firm for many many years.

Besides, I just want to be a beautiful, sexy, stately woman. I want my son to be proud of his mom. Not just because she is a good specialist, nice person or good mother but because she is just a fantastic person. One can be a nice person and a sexy woman at the same time. I want him to beam when I come to his school. Well, just the same way as I want my man to beam when he walks with me and sees how other men envy him.

I think many people live their lives constantly explaining themselves why what they desire is bad, why they should settle for what they already have or be happy with what they have although deep inside they know it’s not enough or not what they want at all. They explain themselves why striving for something more is a shame. It’s not right. I am not going to settle for anything less than what I really want in this life.

That’s what I want in life.

I want to be coming home to my best friend, my lover, my rock. I want to feel protected and give him a rear. I want to cuddle with him on the couch watching a movie or tv shows while he is running his fingers through my hair knowing that there is no other place I want to be.

I want to be walking by his hand and kissing him for no real reason. I want never to have to worry if he wants to be with me because as much as I show him he shows me. I want to be sure he is willing to fight for me, our relationship and our love.

To me, true love is also showing him and everybody else how sexy and perfect I am and making sure everybody knows I belong to him and only to him.

True love can’t come without passion. It’s a lot of flirting and wild sex, kinky little sex games only we know we are playing. I will always try and make him feel a male around me. I want us to spicy our life up every day and in every way possible.

I want to always talk too. This weekend I was facing my life and my problems alone although I madly wanted to speak out. I want no more days like it when I have Him in my life. We should talk about everything, about our thoughts, little news and about the world and new things that we discover each day.

There are few times in life that I need a shoulder to cry on but when I do I want to know the one I love is there.

When I feel completely overwhelmed I want to be sure that I have someone to talk to. If I want arms to hold me tightly I want to know he is always there.

And of course, I want to plan our vacations together. I will work and help him to make sure we can afford ourselves any vacations that we want whether it’s Disney parks or romantic cruises just for us two.

I want to have someone to share all these little moments and to know that year after year we are building a million memories together.

I believe I can have that. Even if now I am going through the hard times and there is no one to talk to or to share my fears with. Even if now I have to be my own cheerleader. I know it will change someday. And one day I will wake up in the arms of a man that loves me, feel protected and calm, tenderly kiss him and go to cook him a breakfast. Then feel his hands on my hips while I cook as he wakes up… And impatiently wait for him to come back home after work because he will be my everything. And I will be his breath, his inspiration, his dream, the one who will help him to achieve everything he desires in life.

Everything will be ok. I know it.

But until then… I guess I will do what makes me happy. And if I stumble across someone then so be it, if not I am still happy.

Warmly,

Nina

Being positive :)

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I can’t be depressed for a long time. I guess that’s one of the best sides of my personality.

So during the last week, I was eating simple food (no sushi, sweets, nothing of what I really love to eat), didn’t speak to Dwayne a lot, worked like hell and drank so much coffee that the caffeine dose was enough for disqualification of the whole Olympic team.

So today I woke up and instead of taking sedatives asked myself – okay so is it all that you were so much afraid of? 🙂

It made me laugh. Yes, I might have touched the bottom but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. And it means now I have nothing else to be afraid of and I can just LIVE and ENJOY my life 🙂

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Fairytale

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The morning was fabulous. Just two days ago it was +12 C and it seemed like spring in January. Today we have a lot of snow and +2 C. When we went out this morning, it was like a real fairytale – everything white and so quiet.

After taking my son to the daycare I walked my dogs. Usually, I walk them one by one, today I took both at once and we were fooling around in snow 🙂

Then I wrote 20 000 letters for work, went to the gym, made nice pedicure and read some in Arabic. The evening is reserved for my son. We will play, read books and talk 🙂 Though I am very tired and exhausted which guarantees this night won’t be sleepless 🙂

I guess we ourselves are responsible for our fairytale.

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Dwayne

As you all know I am in love. During the last week, we had some kind of misunderstanding so I wrote a lot of desperate things here on my blog. We made peace and I accept it wasn’t very fair from my part since he doesn’t deserve this. He loves me, supports me and today I want to tell you good things about him and about us.

Now each time I am angry at him or get too hard on myself, I recall words he wrote about me:

Those amazing parts are still there. Those sparkling eyes and sexy accent that always reminded me of a Bond girl. The brilliance and diversity of her interests that constantly blew my mind. She could jump from telling me about poetry and Italian love songs right over to 38 special songs. Those little struggles that a single mother faces that she sees as a failure and I see as just a step in her journey to greatness.

I can never forget the mixture or passion, intelligence or even the stubbornness that she brings to my life.

There is another thing he wrote, even more amazing:

At first it was just a few interesting messages, but I found myself stuck on the conversation. She was the most interesting woman I had met in a long time. In my world filled with work, dreams and a multitude of events it’s rare that I find myself stuck on a conversation. That a personality shines so bright I find myself not just wanting to know more, but eagerly waiting for tomorrow to come so I can talk to her again. I even found true disappointment when she didn’t respond to my message.

What made it really strange for me was she wasn’t interested so I had to work to get her attention and work even harder to keep it. I know courtship is important, but I have never found myself pondering creative ways to get a woman to say hi before.

In case you are wondering the one thing I realized through this is that every now and then you find one woman that is worth the effort. Even scarier is when you realize that throughout the courtship process you developed an emotional attachment. It’s the minute you realize that you have this emotional attachment everything changes. In your eyes a beautiful woman becomes gorgeous. Actually that beautiful woman becomes the only woman. That’s what happened when Nina came along.

I originally told myself that she was just an interesting woman whose messages were like Christmas gifts. That’s what happened to me. Like a kid on Christmas morning I wake up and immediately check for her message with that same kind of excitement. Like everything in life the emotional attachment evolved. Literally in my dreams I saw myself sharing all those special moments I witness and kept deep in my heart with Nina. She literally became my dream girl and every secret heart felt moment I had been following and collecting for so long were shared with her. Some people talk about finding their best friend, a true companion, equal partner, lover and soulmate in one truly amazing person. For me it was just fiction until along came Nina.

So I love him. If I bring passion and stubborness to his life, he brings love and magic to mine.

Love you darling ❤

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Nice to meet you all in 2017! :)

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Greetings to everyone in this new 2017 year! 🙂

I wish you all tons of happiness, love and success in everything you do 🙂 Just remember hundreds of decisions that you make each day form your future. It’s your actions, not just ideas of them that matter. So let’s be optimal each minute, let’s do more for our own happiness!

It’s easy to “just be yourself” and it takes courage to break the habit of being yourself and go beyond everyday excuses to become someone really great one day. Make efforts and meet the perfect you! 🙂

Warmly,

Nina 🙂