Building myself


It’s the end of this year and I am sorting things and thoughts and preparing for the new 2017 year. I am also reading a great book “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter – and How to Make the Most of Them Now” by Meg Jay. I love this book, it really makes me think of my life and of possibilities – that I have yet and that I can lose one day.

I am actually thinking of my identity capital which is a complex of personal actives and personal resources that we accumulate during our life. It’s basically investments that we make in ourselves, it’s how we create ourselves. And our whole life – personal, professional, etc. – depends on what did we accumulate and how we use it.

You can be a great person but waste your time and energy on unimportant things or giving ordinary things too big importance. Dwayne asked me once why do I want to work and why do I want to go to school next year, is it because I want to or because society thinks I should. To me, the major reason is I don’t want to procrastinate now and in 10 or 20 years when I still will be a young active woman to reap the products of this procrastination.

Yes, right now who cares if I passed 6 or 8 years in university. Although for the last 6 years I’ve been working as an interpreter, I can easily find a job – I often receive work offers from companies and hotels. But I don’t want to receive them when I will be 35 or 40 years old. I don’t want to have a perspective of working as a secretary when I will reach 40 years old, I deserve much better.

I know I am doing an important thing being a mother. I know I read a lot and I know a lot. But they don’t pay you for what you know – they pay you for what you do. And I want to become a better specialist now to increase my experience by my 35-40 years old. I don’t want to wait until my son gets a  teen to start my career anew and do things I wouldn’t do even in my twenties.

Some would say that 6 years in university is a lot and why shouldn’t it be enough for me?

Well, when I finished school at 17 years old and passed exams with 91/100 points in French language and 36/100 in Maths I realized the best way was to go study Linguistics. I didn’t really like languages and I thought I would never really work in this domain because most graduates from the Linguistics chair worked as salesmen, managers and such. But my dad finished college and university and my mother had graduated from 2 universities so I had to go to university anyway.

Then I moved to the South and changed the university. Since I didn’t really care about what would be written in my diploma I have chosen to become a specialist in tourism. I was a good student and excellently passed the final examinations. At the same time, I worked on the chair at this same university and wasn’t really sure what kind of work I would like to do afterwards.

Then I thought that I would get married, get babies and that’s what would make me a successful woman. I thought nothing else matters for a woman and I had a fiancee that adored me and we were going to get married so I though I almost succeeded in life. Only now I understand that a woman should be something more than just an addition to a soup ladle. Not even for her man but for herself too.

Then the day came when I received a job offer from a winery founded by Swisses in my city. I was 21 years old and I easily passed an interview in French and they accepted my candidature. That’s how my career of interpreter started.

I fell in love with this job. I adored going to the winery and walk thru the fields and vineyards, I loved writing in French and translating things into Russian, I loved laughing in the car and talking with experienced specialists, I liked the fact I could wear pencil skirts and heels in the office and jeans and converses on the site. I realized it’s the job that excites and inspires me.

So now I want to pass 2 more years learning Linguistics. It’s not a must for me, it’s a want. I could never imagine one day I would say I dream of going to school. But I really do now.

Another thing that I think about is how am I building myself. I am not talking of general terms like being a mom or a specialist or anything. I am talking about all those little things that make me and that form not only my personality but also my body. And it’s not right talking about a person only in terms of his or her mind. We cannot neglect our body. We cannot pretend it’s not what is important. It’s fucking important.

I often complain that I buy coffee (I adore Lavazza!). Dwayne asks why and I say because I drink it with milk and it’s 440 calories per day. He laughs but to me, it’s very serious. He says he loves me no matter how much I weight. But our body is a result of our attitude towards ourselves. Yes, it’s only 440 calories per day and the whole 3 080 calories per week! The same way if I go to the gym each day and stay there 10 more minutes a day it makes 70 additional minutes a week. So here is the attitude part – there are people that prefer eating 3000 additional calories per week (and some eat them daily!) and people that prefer to do additional efforts to be more healthy and strong.

Yes, some may say it’s just a cake. But I want to eat all the “cakes” life has to offer me – and I am not talking literally. I think if I choose the healthy life I win much more than an additional cake each day or 440 calories each day. It’s horseback riding, it’s wearing high heels all day long, it’s being carried by my man, it’s having a better sex and lots of other things. Are literal cakes worth losing these possibilities? To me, they aren’t.

So each time when I do something I ask myself if it makes me progress in my life and in my goals or does it bring me back to the things that I want to change or leave behind?

We all can and should build ourselves. And of course, we can’t live our whole life in our thoughts and dreams – we must take actions to make our dreams and hopes come true.


Nina 🙂


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