New habits

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Yesterday I made steaks for the supper. They were great but I still feel uncomfortable and realize that my taste changed. I don’t want to eat fatty food anymore. I hate this after taste and even opened all my windows to get rid of the smell that still lingers in the kitchen.

I want boiled chicken and grilled fish, vegetables, lots of fruits and some sweet light desserts, good coffee with milk and that’s really enough for me now.

Besides today I asked myself – why is it that I think I should choose just one path when I can combine all my talents and capitalize on all of them? Nothing prevents me from being a good interpreter and still give lessons to kids and adults, groom dogs and take them to shows and work as a SEO copywriter from home. It gives me more sources of income and it’s great, isn’t it? I am using all of them now and decided I won’t abandon any of them.

My mood is so great today! It’s spring here, everything gets green and I love this life tons! 🙂

Have a great day!

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Genealogical tree and chess

I just finished making a genealogical tree of my family – uffff 5 hours in doggy style is something! But the result is so great!

But I am not going to sleep although it’s 2:30 am. Nope. I am going to try to learn how to play chess. No, it’s not insomnia or nothing else to do. It’s my ex-husband and my son bringing here chess and telling me “Elisey liked playing chess, play with him”. (You could do it yourself then, – I said. I don’t know how to, – he answered! 😦 )

First I thought they talked about checkers (I used to play it when I was a kid). But when I opened it and… and realized I was in a trap! Oh my gosh the last time I felt so helpless was on the exam on higher mathematics. Although no, on that exam I could at least use my charm and now I have to learn to actually play it. Well at least play good enough until I can find some place in my city where my son could play chess.

Who said being a mother doesn’t make you learn new things? Oh, it does so!

So I got a new challenge 🙂

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Blood ties

This weekend I did a very big and important deal. Well, at least to me it is. I recovered the genealogical tree of my family. I recovered it until the end of 1880-1890’s when my grand grandfather was born.

First of all, I should say thatI trace my roots back to Rostov and Orenburg Cossacks. And without my grand grandfather Stepan I would have never been born in Chelyabinsk – the city that I adore with my heart and soul – and probably wouldn’t become the person I am now.

By the way, by blood, my son is a Cossack too. Not just from my side but from his father’s side too as my ex-husband is a real Cossack and even goes to some kind of meetings with his father. I added his branch to my genealogical tree too for my son should know his origins. For example, he should know that his grand grandparents are from Germany – that’s why a lot of my ex’s relatives live in Germany.

Here’s my grand grandfather Stepan with his wife, his son’s family and his sister’s family:

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He had a hard life. In 1914 he was taken captive by the German army. But he survived and after the war worked as a chief accountant. Taking care of his family, he made an invitation for his son and his son’s wife who stayed in Siberia and they could move to the Ural, in Chelyabinsk. Otherwise, they could have been repressed by a new government after the revolution in 1917. Stepan died in 1961 and he had a long and hard, yet interesting life.

That’s his son Ivan and his wife Irina, my grandfather and grandmother:

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My grandmother Irina’s father, my grand grandfather Ivan was a kolkhoz (collective farm) chairman and his son, my grandmother’s brother Pantelei, had a big farm with horses. During the Revolution of 1917, he had to go hiding in mountains with horses because both red and white armies needed horses. Finally, he was found and they took away his horses and gave him a sick one that he nursed.

Here is my grand grandfather Pantelei that tried to hide his horses in the mountains. The picture was taken in 1943 in a military hospital… yes he was fighting for our country, our motherland during the Second World War – for the country whose government has deprived his family of everything. He passed the whole war and after it’s finished in 1946 he was slandered and condemned to 6 years in jail:

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After the Revolution, there were dispossessions when all wealthy people lost everything they had. Anyway, my relatives said it was good that they were only deprived of everything, not repressed.

I heard stories about dispossessions told by my mother’s mom, my grandmother, too. When she was alive she and her sister tried to get back the house of her ancestors but after her death, everyone forgot about it.

I have other relatives who passed the war too. For example, Pantelei’s son Sergey. He was 19 years old when he died in 1943 during the Battle of Kursk, the biggest tank battle the world has known. Here is his picture taken in the beginning of the war:

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I remember very well my grandparents. I wasn’t a little kid when they died and I had time to know them – and I am very proud of that. For example, I adored my father’s mother, my grandmother Nina. Well, both of my grandmothers were called Nina which determined my own name 🙂 And I am proud to be named after those wonderful women.

My father’s mother told me she was just like me. When I was coming to her house after school telling her how I laughed during lessons, she smiled and told me that’s how she was when she was young – laughsome and unseriously behaving. It’s hard for me now to understand how could she be so careless when she had to live her childhood during the war and without a father. She had 6 sisters and brothers and she had to work since she was a kid to get some food. Anyway, then she finished the evening school and even became cost-engineer.

At work, she met my grandfather. She told me she was in love with another guy but my grandfather was very insistent, he stalked her for one year and she fell in love with him. He was an engineer at the Experimental and Technological Bureau. Looking at his pictures now I can’t imagine it took him one year to make my grandmother fall in love 🙂 That’s my grandfather Victor:

By the way, I went to the same school my grandfather Victor finished. It’s founded in 1930 and is still working and is one of the best schools in the Ural region where they do teach the French language. During the war, this school was a military hospital.

That’s my grandmother and my grandfather with their first baby, my aunt Helen:

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Now I will talk about my mother’s relatives. My grandmother – my mom’s mother – was also called Nina and she was a nurse. She only had one brother and I don’t really remember him. It’s my grandmother’s picture (she’s on the left):

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My mother’s father, my grandfather Gennadiy was what you would probably call a redneck. But I realize now he was a great guy who worked as a truck driver on a big factory and earned more than his father. My mom recalls that even during the hard times they always had cakes and such. My mom was their unique kid. Here is she and her father:

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Now I will tell you about my parents. But you should know that I personally think that I am much like my father and my sister – like my mother, especially when it comes to our characters.

My mother is a very mild, tender and sweet woman. Our family is her everything although she made a career too. She studied at two universities and has two diplomas – of an IT specialist (which she got even before my birth in 1989) and of a jurist. Now she works as a landscape designer and she is fond of it.

My father is a Candidate for Master of Sport in swimming, and after the army, he came home as a Staff Sergeant (he served in the Strategic Missile Forces). Here are his pictures of that time:

Then he finished the college that his both parents and his sister have finished and then university. After his diploma, he is a robotics engineer. But during the hard 90’s he decided to become a businessman to maintain his family which already included me and my sister. Thanks to his efforts I now have everything that I have.

Here is a pic where there are all my grandparents, my mom and my aunt, me, my little sister and my cousin:

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Now when I know so much about my origins I found myself extremely proud. How can I feel weak or do so little when I have all those wonderful people behind me? How can I forget all that they did to make me able to be born and to enjoy this life?

It all also makes me think of the heritage that I will leave behind me. What legacy will my kids get? What will they tell the world about me?

All I know is that it’s all so touching. I think we all should know not only where we are going but also where we came from.

Warmly,

Nina

Building life and building memories

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Monday is my son’s birthday. He turns 5 years old! So it was a very hard weekend for me. I had to organize everything although I didn’t have neither forces nor resources to do anything. But I did it. When it comes to my son, there is no “I can’t do that”. So now I am proud to say that everything is organized. He will have his gifts, cake, and celebration at the daycare just like he wanted.

Then I had time to think about my own life and feelings.

Don’t think I am a strong girl. I am not. And I need someone to cheer me up, to say I am brave, to ensure me everything will be ok. But I realize I don’t have that someone. Not yet probably. So what? Should I stay in my bed crying? Should I beg someone who is indifferent to be there for me?

To me, the answer is no. I shouldn’t do that. But if I have no way to change how I feel, I still have a choice. Or I can stay in bed and cry over someone who doesn’t care, or I can go running in the morning and see the sea and probably dolphins. Or lift extra 5 kg at the gym. Or write 500 extra words. It’s always my choice. But the difference is staying in bed won’t help me in getting happier or healthier. Running, working out, writing and working will.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I will meet my Mr. Right? I should be ready for that. Having an unhappy face or staying at home won’t help me with that. So I should give myself a chance to be happy.

Besides I want to have a long healthy active life. For the last months, I’ve been striving to lose weight. Now there’s only 7 kg to lose left and I am so happy!

One may say it doesn’t matter how much you weight. Oh, it does so matter! I want to enjoy my life. Not just cakes but life. It means I want to ride horses and do horseback jumping again. I want to dance salsa. I want to be able to walk for hours with my son – I adore walking! I want to have sex in all possible ways – just like I do it now. I want my body to always be flexible and strong and sexy, and my skin and my ass to be firm for many many years.

Besides, I just want to be a beautiful, sexy, stately woman. I want my son to be proud of his mom. Not just because she is a good specialist, nice person or good mother but because she is just a fantastic person. One can be a nice person and a sexy woman at the same time. I want him to beam when I come to his school. Well, just the same way as I want my man to beam when he walks with me and sees how other men envy him.

I think many people live their lives constantly explaining themselves why what they desire is bad, why they should settle for what they already have or be happy with what they have although deep inside they know it’s not enough or not what they want at all. They explain themselves why striving for something more is a shame. It’s not right. I am not going to settle for anything less than what I really want in this life.

That’s what I want in life.

I want to be coming home to my best friend, my lover, my rock. I want to feel protected and give him a rear. I want to cuddle with him on the couch watching a movie or tv shows while he is running his fingers through my hair knowing that there is no other place I want to be.

I want to be walking by his hand and kissing him for no real reason. I want never to have to worry if he wants to be with me because as much as I show him he shows me. I want to be sure he is willing to fight for me, our relationship and our love.

To me, true love is also showing him and everybody else how sexy and perfect I am and making sure everybody knows I belong to him and only to him.

True love can’t come without passion. It’s a lot of flirting and wild sex, kinky little sex games only we know we are playing. I will always try and make him feel a male around me. I want us to spicy our life up every day and in every way possible.

I want to always talk too. This weekend I was facing my life and my problems alone although I madly wanted to speak out. I want no more days like it when I have Him in my life. We should talk about everything, about our thoughts, little news and about the world and new things that we discover each day.

There are few times in life that I need a shoulder to cry on but when I do I want to know the one I love is there.

When I feel completely overwhelmed I want to be sure that I have someone to talk to. If I want arms to hold me tightly I want to know he is always there.

And of course, I want to plan our vacations together. I will work and help him to make sure we can afford ourselves any vacations that we want whether it’s Disney parks or romantic cruises just for us two.

I want to have someone to share all these little moments and to know that year after year we are building a million memories together.

I believe I can have that. Even if now I am going through the hard times and there is no one to talk to or to share my fears with. Even if now I have to be my own cheerleader. I know it will change someday. And one day I will wake up in the arms of a man that loves me, feel protected and calm, tenderly kiss him and go to cook him a breakfast. Then feel his hands on my hips while I cook as he wakes up… And impatiently wait for him to come back home after work because he will be my everything. And I will be his breath, his inspiration, his dream, the one who will help him to achieve everything he desires in life.

Everything will be ok. I know it.

But until then… I guess I will do what makes me happy. And if I stumble across someone then so be it, if not I am still happy.

Warmly,

Nina

Being positive :)

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I can’t be depressed for a long time. I guess that’s one of the best sides of my personality.

So during the last week, I was eating simple food (no sushi, sweets, nothing of what I really love to eat), didn’t speak to Dwayne a lot, worked like hell and drank so much coffee that the caffeine dose was enough for disqualification of the whole Olympic team.

So today I woke up and instead of taking sedatives asked myself – okay so is it all that you were so much afraid of? 🙂

It made me laugh. Yes, I might have touched the bottom but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. And it means now I have nothing else to be afraid of and I can just LIVE and ENJOY my life 🙂

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Fairytale

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The morning was fabulous. Just two days ago it was +12 C and it seemed like spring in January. Today we have a lot of snow and +2 C. When we went out this morning, it was like a real fairytale – everything white and so quiet.

After taking my son to the daycare I walked my dogs. Usually, I walk them one by one, today I took both at once and we were fooling around in snow 🙂

Then I wrote 20 000 letters for work, went to the gym, made nice pedicure and read some in Arabic. The evening is reserved for my son. We will play, read books and talk 🙂 Though I am very tired and exhausted which guarantees this night won’t be sleepless 🙂

I guess we ourselves are responsible for our fairytale.

Warmly,

Nina 🙂

Dwayne

As you all know I am in love. During the last week, we had some kind of misunderstanding so I wrote a lot of desperate things here on my blog. We made peace and I accept it wasn’t very fair from my part since he doesn’t deserve this. He loves me, supports me and today I want to tell you good things about him and about us.

Now each time I am angry at him or get too hard on myself, I recall words he wrote about me:

Those amazing parts are still there. Those sparkling eyes and sexy accent that always reminded me of a Bond girl. The brilliance and diversity of her interests that constantly blew my mind. She could jump from telling me about poetry and Italian love songs right over to 38 special songs. Those little struggles that a single mother faces that she sees as a failure and I see as just a step in her journey to greatness.

I can never forget the mixture or passion, intelligence or even the stubbornness that she brings to my life.

There is another thing he wrote, even more amazing:

At first it was just a few interesting messages, but I found myself stuck on the conversation. She was the most interesting woman I had met in a long time. In my world filled with work, dreams and a multitude of events it’s rare that I find myself stuck on a conversation. That a personality shines so bright I find myself not just wanting to know more, but eagerly waiting for tomorrow to come so I can talk to her again. I even found true disappointment when she didn’t respond to my message.

What made it really strange for me was she wasn’t interested so I had to work to get her attention and work even harder to keep it. I know courtship is important, but I have never found myself pondering creative ways to get a woman to say hi before.

In case you are wondering the one thing I realized through this is that every now and then you find one woman that is worth the effort. Even scarier is when you realize that throughout the courtship process you developed an emotional attachment. It’s the minute you realize that you have this emotional attachment everything changes. In your eyes a beautiful woman becomes gorgeous. Actually that beautiful woman becomes the only woman. That’s what happened when Nina came along.

I originally told myself that she was just an interesting woman whose messages were like Christmas gifts. That’s what happened to me. Like a kid on Christmas morning I wake up and immediately check for her message with that same kind of excitement. Like everything in life the emotional attachment evolved. Literally in my dreams I saw myself sharing all those special moments I witness and kept deep in my heart with Nina. She literally became my dream girl and every secret heart felt moment I had been following and collecting for so long were shared with her. Some people talk about finding their best friend, a true companion, equal partner, lover and soulmate in one truly amazing person. For me it was just fiction until along came Nina.

So I love him. If I bring passion and stubborness to his life, he brings love and magic to mine.

Love you darling ❤

Warmly,

Nina 🙂